Brain Vs Heart.

Have you ever given up something because it was the “right thing” do” in your brain and everyone else is advising it but in your heart you truly know you don’t want to? Does that even make sense? Let me put some context around it. 

The long and short of it for those who haven’t been around for my entire blog journey; in 2013 I snapped my ACL in my right knee which sidelined my football career, indefinitely.  It took doctors 9 months and arthroscopic surgery (which turned into a full knee reconstruction) to diagnose the snap and then a good 18 month recovery to be full healed and ready to play again… but I’ve never gone back.

To this day, I wish I still played. Every day football consumes my thoughts and it hurts to watch people play well into their life while I’m sidelined in my 20’s. Having injured 2 ligaments in the same knee, it most certainly feels like the “right thing” to do. My career cannot afford another injury. 

Sidelined. Am I truly sidelined though? My brain certainly still believes that. What about the countless hours spent in the gym conditioning my knee to be just as strong as my “good” one? They have to count for something, right? I shouldn’t have good and bad knees, they’re both as “good” as each other now. 

My heart believes otherwise. It believes I’m mentally sidelined. It wants another crack at football.  A chance to feel my cleats pierce the turf, breathe in the freedom the next 90 minutes will bring and the white line fever bubbling in my veins. There is no Candice without football. I’ve been trying to compensate by writing college projects, volunteering on events and coaching but nothing beats playing.

I guess the bigger question here is, “Why do we give up things that bring us the most joy and love?” 

This wider observation was brought on by my PT last week. We were talking after life threw me another curveball in my #roadtofifa2022 journey. She said, “I think you need to start doing that thing you used to do all the time.” At first, I did think she was thinking about football. (Of course, because we just established I love football more than anything, except maybe #boyfie 😁) However, she was talking about blogging and when I registered the comment in my brain, I thought, she’s right. I love blogging! (Except when my keyboard on my tablet refuses to auto-punctuate. Super frustrating! 😣)

I don’t do this for anyone else.  I do it to mentally dump everything out of my brain and vent to the billions of people in this world who fail to know I exist. I stopped blogging so much because I started a new job at Ricoh, did my event  diploma got lazy. There is no other explanation or excuse. I make time for work, gym and socialising. Why can’t I take the time out again to blog 5 minutes every couple of days? I currently use gym as my physical vice (this has replaced football) to get my anger/stress out so why not rekindle my mental vice as well? 

 I have plans for pulling the cleats out and freshening them up. I need the weather to warm up first but I guarantee this summer, they will see the light of day again instead of the inside of the Nike box they currently live in. Maybe I need a new pair? 🤔 Hello http://www.prodirectsoccer.com 😂

No one should have to give up things they love, if there is another option to make it happen. Say yes, make time, take (calculated) risks because the feeling of joy and freedom outweighs the regret and disappointment of not having tried one more time. 

La love,
C. xx

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Compelled. Committed.

I’m not sure why but I felt compelled to write a blog post tonight. It’s been a pretty long time since I’ve written one but life gets busy, people are busy and time gets away from you.

Things have been happening left, right and centre for me at the moment. All fantastic things but just so much of it in one go…  It’s been a busy couple of months.  Holiday in Vietnam with #boyfie, a new job role and organising exhibitions, conferences and a corporate birthday function.  As you can see, all those things are amazing and look fantastic on my experience list but being busy at work, means I’m neglecting the one thing that relieves my stress – gym.

Poor gym – If it were a person, we’d no longer be friends.  At the moment, I’m only making my PT session once a week (if I’m not at a show or interstate) and that is not enough.  My nutrition is crap as well, which is really making any previous progress before this hectic stage in my career,  null and void.

I could sit here, going on and on about how I’m going to change it and I’ll meal prep for a week each weekend and hit the gym hard 7 days a week.  Let’s be real.  I’m not going to be doing that. Not yet.  I may prep for a couple of days and I might be able to get to the gym 3 times a week. Until the last of these events are done and it becomes quieter at the end of October, I just have to do my best.  I do however need to pull my head out of the sand and stop pretending I won’t get gain weight if I continue to eat unhealthily.

Tonight I smashed a 20 minute ICE interval cardio session and an old home Kettlebell work out.  Felt pretty bloody awesome after it to apart from the makeup in my eyes.

I finally get what people mean when they are too busy to cook, too busy to go out, too busy to reply to social media posts straight away.  I can also guarantee I have never been this busy in my whole life.   (Work, work, work, work work. Gosh, I feel like Rihanna.)

I had a pretty decent chat with my trainer about this workaholic business and me not getting to the gym.  A sliding comment was made about being committed to working out was made in a conversation and I’ve been thinging about it for about a month.  Don’t get me wrong, 6 months ago, I was committed to the gym and getting results because I had no passion and drive behind my career. Then all of a sudden, there is a bloom in my career and I’ve got no time for anything else.  I now understand and want others to also understand that it’s not about being uncommitted to the gym; people have other priorities, that at that present time, are more important.  Me for instance, the gym will always be there for me.  I can go back whenever I want, however many hours and days I want.  My career will not wait for me to find results at the gym then come back to my job.  If an opportunity arises, I need to take it by the horns in order to not let it go and slightly adjust other commitments.

I cannot wait until Summer is here and daylight savings gives me light to run in the evening and take away the stress of the day. Those are the times of freedom, now that I am retired from footy.

Today’s takeway: What you might think is your main priority in life, may not be someone elses and that is okay.  Everyone is working on what they need to, in order to successfully build their own lives and careers. 

job-work-life-balance

La Love,
C. xx

 

 

Being Competitive.

stop-competing

I’ve been meaning to write this post all day.  I’ve gone through it in my  head, what I’ve wanted to get across as a message but I still can’t find the right way of writing it down.. However I am just going to continue to type words and by the end of this post, maybe somewhere along the way it will make sense.

Anyone who knows me, knows I’m competitive.  Competitive by definition: “As good as or better than others of a comparable nature.” In some instances, I find this to be a good thing.  A healthy bit of competition never hurt anyone and it can push you to be a better version of yourself.  However, when that competitiveness becomes more prominent, does that become unhealthy for oneself?  In relation to my world and the way I live; and more specifically, the way I train at the gym, I only have one answer.  Yes it does.

Let me put it into perspective.  I have no problem with someone lifting heavier weights than me or running double the distance I can run.  That is great for them, sincerely.  They probably have been working much longer (or harder) at their goals than me or their goals are simply different to mine  However, when I find someone at a similar capability to myself and we are working out on the same things, I want to beat them.  I don’t think about being competitive, it literally just runs through my brain, like second nature.  I must be better, faster or lift heavier than them, otherwise I am a complete disappointment to myself.  Even while I type this, that sounds like the biggest load of bullshit and so cocky, that I even am surprised at myself. So my issue is, I try compete against others, when we can all see, my only competition should be against myself.  I don’t know where they have come from, what has inspired them to work out or why they continue to do what they’re doing.  I definitely don’t judge them or their skills, but I just want to be better.  Better than what? I don’t know their story so what do I have to compare?

These thoughts were triggered by something that came up this morning in the boot camp session I attended.  It took me longer to complete the workouts than everyone else.  Not only did I not take into account our weights are different, our strengths and weaknesses are different but our bodies are also completely different.  Just because it takes longer, doesn’t mean I’m doing something wrong. I can’t do push ups from my hands due to a wrist problem (can’t bend one wrist to 90 degrees with pressure) so I have to do everything from my knuckles.  That is just harder in itself.  With my dodgy hip flexor, I can’t squat as deep or quick and I certainly can’t do the same sit ups or core movements.

It is literally my brain playing tricks on me and I let it get to me.  It does affect my training.  I need to retrain my brain into thinking about my only real competition at the gym and in my training; myself.

Stop worrying about what others are doing and focus on what you are doing and how you can make the “today” you, into a better “tomorrow” you.

La Love,
C. xx

competition

Dream Team Challenge – Day 10

Today was an interesting day and by interesting I mean I didn’t do a whole lot.  Normally, I am go go go but today I just relaxed and didn’t do anything…

I stayed at a friend’s house last night after the dinner so I could have a glass of bubbly or 2… (I think I had 3 max! – really, only 3, I promise Jade). That meant driving home from their house, picking up some movies on the way home (Divergent Series) and watching both 2 and 3 in one day.  That is literally all I’ve done.

I also misplaced a necklace and still cannot find it – I’m super sad about this but have looked in all the places I can think of and have been, so have come to the fact that I’ve lost it and will need to replace it (if I can…) 😦

In terms of a daily challenge,  I was too busy looking for my necklace to even think of the daily challenge.  I pulled my car apart in the dark using my phone torch, pulled my gym bag apart multiple times (because that is the last bag I remember having it in) and cried a whole lot. I  was also so annoyed at myself, that I was grumpy at #boyfie which was silly, because he was just trying to help. 😦

Back to the movie topic, the Divergent Series is based on a book trilogy by Veronica Roth (in which now I have the books; more for the collection!) It is based in post-apocalyptic dystopian Chicago, where a colony of people are divided up by their social and personality-related affiliation.  Its a sci-fy genre but I thoroughly enjoyed it, as did #boyfie.  Hopefully the books are even better than the movies!

divergent-series

 

There is always tomorrow (for a better day and to find my necklace).

#conquer
C.