Brain Vs Heart.

Have you ever given up something because it was the “right thing” do” in your brain and everyone else is advising it but in your heart you truly know you don’t want to? Does that even make sense? Let me put some context around it. 

The long and short of it for those who haven’t been around for my entire blog journey; in 2013 I snapped my ACL in my right knee which sidelined my football career, indefinitely.  It took doctors 9 months and arthroscopic surgery (which turned into a full knee reconstruction) to diagnose the snap and then a good 18 month recovery to be full healed and ready to play again… but I’ve never gone back.

To this day, I wish I still played. Every day football consumes my thoughts and it hurts to watch people play well into their life while I’m sidelined in my 20’s. Having injured 2 ligaments in the same knee, it most certainly feels like the “right thing” to do. My career cannot afford another injury. 

Sidelined. Am I truly sidelined though? My brain certainly still believes that. What about the countless hours spent in the gym conditioning my knee to be just as strong as my “good” one? They have to count for something, right? I shouldn’t have good and bad knees, they’re both as “good” as each other now. 

My heart believes otherwise. It believes I’m mentally sidelined. It wants another crack at football.  A chance to feel my cleats pierce the turf, breathe in the freedom the next 90 minutes will bring and the white line fever bubbling in my veins. There is no Candice without football. I’ve been trying to compensate by writing college projects, volunteering on events and coaching but nothing beats playing.

I guess the bigger question here is, “Why do we give up things that bring us the most joy and love?” 

This wider observation was brought on by my PT last week. We were talking after life threw me another curveball in my #roadtofifa2022 journey. She said, “I think you need to start doing that thing you used to do all the time.” At first, I did think she was thinking about football. (Of course, because we just established I love football more than anything, except maybe #boyfie 😁) However, she was talking about blogging and when I registered the comment in my brain, I thought, she’s right. I love blogging! (Except when my keyboard on my tablet refuses to auto-punctuate. Super frustrating! 😣)

I don’t do this for anyone else.  I do it to mentally dump everything out of my brain and vent to the billions of people in this world who fail to know I exist. I stopped blogging so much because I started a new job at Ricoh, did my event  diploma got lazy. There is no other explanation or excuse. I make time for work, gym and socialising. Why can’t I take the time out again to blog 5 minutes every couple of days? I currently use gym as my physical vice (this has replaced football) to get my anger/stress out so why not rekindle my mental vice as well? 

 I have plans for pulling the cleats out and freshening them up. I need the weather to warm up first but I guarantee this summer, they will see the light of day again instead of the inside of the Nike box they currently live in. Maybe I need a new pair? 🤔 Hello http://www.prodirectsoccer.com 😂

No one should have to give up things they love, if there is another option to make it happen. Say yes, make time, take (calculated) risks because the feeling of joy and freedom outweighs the regret and disappointment of not having tried one more time. 

La love,
C. xx

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Dream Team Challenge – Day 9

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Image by Jade Lee Mind Body Transformations

Evening! Today brings around day 9 of this 30 day mind and body challenge.

This evening I went to dinner with Melbourne Victory at the Football Federation Victoria Gold Medal Dinner.  It’s a smaller version of what the AFL call the Brownlow Medal.  I took the day off as a long weekend, to get myself looking all pretty and things for the evening. Got my hair curled, makeup done and wore this amazing dress. I felt pretty.

ffv

Today was all about visualizing your dreams and goals again but this time as a whole and not just about your body.  Where do you want to do in life; what do you want to do; do you have  term goals that you are currently working towards?

What is my greatest dream?  This one was so easy for me, I could say it in my sleep!

I want to attend the 2022 FIFA World Cup.  Dream BIG! You never know how far you can go until you try.

So that’s the end goal.  What’s the plan?  I’m still working on it.. However, I have now completed my Event Management Diploma, I’ve been volunteering non-stop with major sporting clubs like Melbourne Victory and I just need 1 person to believe in me enough to give me a go in a different career.

This is a huge long-term goal – 6 years from now.  I have no idea what I am doing next week but hopefully, it’s something that will make this dream a little bit closer and a little more real.

#Footballisforever. As I have said many many times, football is my freedom and I will stop at nothing to get where I want to be. What are your biggest hopes, dreams and goals? Think about that.

#conquer
C. xx

Emotions and Updates.

It’s Monday morning.  I am supposed to be refreshed and rested from the weekend, ready to tackle the next 5 days. Nope that’s not happening.  I’m still exhausted and the weekend didn’t help to relieve that all all.

I tried to study.  I really did.  However, exhaustion just gets in the way and my time is spent just staring at my laptop screen rather than doing any productive work.   School is on mid-semester break this week which means I don’t have to go there tonight or Wednesday.  I do still have to go to work but at least I can come home earlier and maybe even go to sleep earlier.

There are exactly 60 days until I need to submit my assignment.  That means there are 68 days until I pitch my idea to the judging panel.  I’m still slugging along at all the briefs and any mini assignments and quizzes that come along.  My average is still sitting above 90 which is good.  I plan to keep it there.  I just need to take it a step at a time and not get too caught up in how much work I have left to do.  I just need to focus on getting one thing done, then moving on to the next item.

All I can imagine is seeing my event being staged here.  The idea is amazing.  I just need to execute the pitch perfect.

Melbourne-Rectangular-Stadium

Enough about study.  It’s getting there. I’m just thinking of all the free time I am going to have when it’s done.

Let’s chat about the update that I was supposed to give you a week ago but just haven’t had the time to get on here for a good half an hour to tell you.

My weekly boxing class finished up last Tuesday and will not be available next term.  To tell you the truth, I’m pretty disappointed or pissed off.  Whatever way you want to look at it.  It was one of the main reasons I was still making it to the gym.  I thoroughly enjoy belting the crap out of the pads each week and relieving some stress from the week before.  Now it’s not available, I’ve had to rethink the structure of my week and finances and whether it’s really worth paying for something that I am not going to use to it’s full potential.

I cancelled my membership at the gym. Yep.  Sometimes it’s just not worth it.  At the moment, between work and study, I’m making it to the gym an average of once a week.  That’s almost $18 a session and I could find a better use for the fee.  I have until the end of October (and another fee payment) to keep going due to the notice period in the contract.

That brings me to my second update.  I’m going to start doing PT with Jade, my trainer at the gym. She runs her own business.  You can find it here and here.  I’m super excited about it.  We will be training at the gym she trains at, Stryve Gym: Ultimate Training Centre.  I went for a little look-see on Friday night with #boyfie and I definitely wasn’t prepared for what I saw.  Now, I’m terrified.  I know it’s going to be a better option for me but that doesn’t stop me from overthinking the situation. PT will be on Thursday evenings.  When my course is over, I will have a look at joining Stryve

Another session we have going at the moment is our kickboxing bootcamp on Sunday’s.  It was a normal bootcamp session which all kinds of things thrown in but since boxing has been removed from Tuesday evenings, Jade decided to change the session and keep it just boxing/kickboxing.  I love it.  I have bruised some tendons in my left hand knuckles (from punching too hard of course *wink face*) so I’ve been taking it a little easy.  I need to ice it some more today as I thought it was fine coming into yesterday’s session, but surprise surprise, it wasn’t and I need to try out some lighter gloves.

I have one other update in which I need to tell you guys.  Last Thursday, I kicked and trained with a football.  It was one of the most satisfying training sessions I’ve ever experienced.  It wasn’t anything special.  We just passed the ball around in a circle, had some shots on goal and played a miniature game.  I felt the freedom of the field flow back into my body.  I felt the crunch of the grass under my studs.  It sounds a little strange, but for a footballer (or maybe just my weird self) there is nothing more important at that time, except you, the ball and the field. I was and am so proud of myself for pushing through the recovery of my knee reconstruction.  Day 595 and football is back in my blood baby! 🙂 YEW! Maybe I’ll be able to don the green kit again for Rangers, just like this. ❤

clfootball

That’s about all I have for now.  My PT session is on Thursday evening, so hopefully I can give you an update after that and let you know that I didn’t collapse and I’m okay.

No Pain. No Gain.

Massages. Supposed to be relax right? WRONG. Well just today anyway.

Over the last 6 months where my stress levels have gone into overdrive, I’ve been working up some great knots in my shoulders and back. Only the week just past did the decide to give me epic headaches and have me do something about them.

My gym trainer is also a trained in myotherapy and gives some pretty good massages. Today was no exception.

Wowie. Did it hurt? Just a little bit. Okay. A lot. Did I need it? Yes. Badly.

I haven’t got as many headaches today but hopefully I start to feel heaps better tomorrow after a warm shower and good night’s sleep.

If anyone is looking for a PT or massage therapist, hit up Jade at J-D’fined Fitness. I’m not being biased because she already trains me but this girl is amazing. Her schedule is twice or three times as crazy as mine yet she makes each person feel like they’re her top priority.

I love her. She hurts me. We get results.

Find her here.
https://m.facebook.com/JDfinedFitness

…and here.
http://jdfined.com

Time for sleeping. 🙂

La love,
C.x

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