For someone who likes to be in control and likes to know that is going on in their own life, the current situation and feeling of uncertainty is playing a big part of unneeded stress and angst in my life right now.

The current pandemic of Coronavirus is affecting millions of people worldwide. Some people have the virus, some people are witness to their family members having it and some are just affected by the effects it is causing on society.

As an event industry professional, the work within my sector has completely gone. Not only have I lost my actual job (5 weeks ago and counting) but my industry is not hiring nor will it be for a long time. How long for, you ask? No one knows. What am I supposed to do now? Get a different job, would be the obvious answer. However, not only am I now hunting and applying for roles that are out of my skill set, I am competing against 100’s of thousands of other displaced individuals that probably have better suited skills that I do. It’s a complete headfuck.

Loosing my job 5 weeks ago was meant to be my blessing in disguise. It was supposed to be the “kick up the ass” I needed to go and seek out my perfect job. A job that combined sports and events. Who would have guessed that only a week or 2 after my displacement, both of those industries would have shut up shop.

It’s a whirlwind of emotions in trying to stay healthy (in both mind and body), keep in contact with your friends and family (but not give yourself migraines from too much screen time), and look for a job in a time where the only roles that are available have about 5 times more applicants than they normally would.

I feel useless because I’m at home and cannot find a job, that will accept me. I have skills, great ones; just ones not suited to what the hiring companies want. I don’t want to be out of work for 6 months; or maybe longer. I have plans and goals that I want to achieve, but this uncertainty is blocking those. I can’t sleep at night from the stress and headaches. This isn’t a why me post (so please don’t think that), it’s just a vent of frustrations and fear, that might help myself to see where my next move is.

Gyms are closed, which means no workings out there as a stress release. However let’s be honest with myself and everyone (or no one) who reads this post. I haven’t been great at getting to the gym in the last year, because my event life was so hectic. My gym membership was sitting there for 9 months between March-November 2019, hardly being used because I was working so many long days, early mornings and late nights. This was a reason I had not yet renewed it this year and was just paying a casual rate, because I was waiting to see what 2020 has in store for my career! HA! Good one Coronavirus. Home workouts are the newest thing in this “stay at home” mantra and are gaining so much speed. In this current, “I CBF’d state” my mind is in, I have little to no motivation to do them. I have all the equipment I need, I have the knowledge of what workouts to do and km’s of running trails around my house to get my mind off the current situation, even just for an hour. However, discipline is needed right now and I just don’t have any. For a person that is normally takes so much pride in being driven and passionate, this is wrong on so many levels. How do I re-find my mojo?

Keeping in touch with my family and friends is probably something that has affected me the least but it is still a pain point. A lot of my friends are on different work schedules and times, or perhaps live in another state, so communicating online or via text isn’t overly different. However, the interactions with other people in general is what I am missing. Saying hi to those who work out at the same time as you at the gym; you might only know their name but you say hi and smile, ask how their day was and get on with it. It might be the work colleagues (or was), that you see (or talk to) every weekday, for at least 8 hours a day. I miss the banter and the laughs (or even the tears!) that are shared with those people. I had spent more time with them over the last few years, than I probably spent with my family. I love my family but goodness, sometimes you just need to have a rest from them.

I’m typing this post so late at night (or early morning to be exact) because I can’t sleep. I’ve been laying here for about 3 hours trying to do different things to offset sleep but nothing is working. Lately, I’ve been trying a bunch of meditations and breathing techniques, using an essential/fragrant oil diffuser, listening to music and laying there in the silence. Sometimes a mixture of them works, but tonight for instance, nothing is working; so I thought I would try a brain dump of all my feelings and see if that help.

Blogging is something I’ve always enjoyed doing, but haven’t had a lot of time to do it over the last few years, with my event job keeping me so busy. How times have changed in the last 5-6 weeks. Perhaps I might do a little more of it now (or at least for those moment while I have some spare time!).

I have taken up a new learning development, increasing my own skill set into web development and coding; it’s a skill I’ve wanted to learn for a really long time but haven’t had hours to dedicate to it, to learn and more importantly, practice what I’ve learned in real situations and websites. Perhaps there might be a few random posts over the next few months; testing out the skills I am learning in HTML and CSS.

I’m hoping that will be enough of a brain dump/de-clutter, that one of the above methods of trying to sleep will now help.

La love,
C. xx


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I haven’t blogged since the post where I came clean about #exboyfie and I breaking up.  I still haven’t re-found my blogging mojo, so to speak. I keep coming up with these ideas in my head but when I get my computer or phone out to type them, it all just seems like worthless junk or I get writer’s block.

Today I’ve just decided to fill my blog text box with words and see where it takes me.   

A friend of mine texted me out of the blue today to let me know that there are 83 days until I travel to my next destination.  Funnily enough, I already knew that because he’d created a ticking countdown for me last week.  He also told me that I normally use this platform as a virtual diary; so that is why I’m just fumbling my way through a post today.  Just clearing out all the junk in my head that is making it sooooo muddled up. He is one of my only close friends that reads my blog without me shoving it all over my other social pages.  He gets his email notification that I’ve has posted an article, and he reads it.  From one “Capt.” to another, thank you. 😊

Can we also just pause for a second… what an amazing, clever nerdy friend, this above person is.  He CODED me an entire flip countdown to my next holiday.  Like who knows how to do that or even has time?  I even tried to find a flip app and I couldn’t.  I could find plenty of clocks but no countdowns.  Can I ask for y’all to have a look at it?  It has no value to anyone else but me, but hey, it’s freakin’ cool and you’ll found out where I am going on holidays!  Check it out here > www.cmedia.com.au/countdown

Right, I got a little bit off track, but I did mention it could be a little bit all over the shop tonight. 

In my attempts to try type out a blog (or get around the thought of a VLOG), so many questions pop through my brain every day yet I can’t get any close to getting them on virtual paper.

Things like:

  • Should I really being going on holidays when I could be using that money towards a house deposit?
  • Should I create a new space on my blog for travel even though I haven’t done much of it lately and why does my opinion matter?
  • Why isn’t my career taking off as well as I wanted/planned it to; I’m getting to a point where my career should be set up?
  • Why do I need a man when I can go out and FIND MYSELF?

All these questions are absolutely ridiculous when you write them down.  At the end of the day, I know all the answers to those before I can type the end of this sentence.  The real question should be this:

Why does society think it is okay to put unrealistic pressure on people to have life decisions made before they’re a certain age or period in their life time?

The answer is; it isn’t okay, but society doesn’t care.

Take my job for instance: I’m a full-time working girl, who has a travelling high flying job planning events for a multinational company, who meets all kinds of people, in all kinds of places, planning all types of cool things… Why would I hate my job at all?  The simple answer is I don’t, I love my job, but it is more complicated than that. 

People see the end game with events.  They see the shiny lights and the golden gates, but they also haven’t walked through the fires of hell (so to speak) to get to those golden gates. It takes time to put on a great event.  FIFA World Cups and Olympic Games take 4 years in the making, for an event that might run for 2-4 weeks…

Getting back to my career; why haven’t I worked on the football side and moving my career that way; from Corporate to Sport.  Surely skills cross over into that and I should be able to get a job easily enough, right? That my friends, is where society is wrong. It’s not just a snap of a finger and it’s done, I’ve got what I wanted, and I got it without doing any actual work.

Working for a national/international company, calendars are busy months and months in advance, sometimes I don’t even have time to go to the gym or have time to sit and eat lunch, let alone make plans to meet with sports industry people and have coffee dates!  I am working on my footy career, slowly, week by week with a wonderful club, biding my time until I can get an opening to look at future options.  In the meantime, bills still need to be paid so I must keep working.

Another society generalisation that grinds my gears is when statements like “You don’t need a partner, you just need to be happy in your own company, FIND YOURSELF.”

FIND YOURSELF.  What does that even mean?  Apparently, there is a wiki page on it.  https://www.wikihow.com/Find-Yourself

You’re essentially going through life, trying to ‘find yourself’ on a guide society made up, because they know what is best for you… In truth, the only person that knows what’s best for you, is YOU. 

I’ve been single now for 9 months and at the beginning I was like, I don’t need a man, I want to learn how to be at one with myself and be free.  All I have been doing for the last 6-8 years is be in relationships… Surely, I need some time for myself.

Well in that last 9 months, I’ve felt isolated, I’ve felt lonely, I’ve lost friends and I didn’t gain any new ones.  Maybe I’ve found myself in the sense, that I know being with someone that makes me happy, that makes me feel loved and safe, is the kind of person I am.  It 100% doesn’t take away from the strong individual woman I already am.  I know who I am as a person.

I like vanilla ice-cream and not strawberry (yes, even though it is pink), I like two peppermint teabags in my cup and not one.  I love football and my shoes.  I have strong opinions and don’t back down to intimidation.  Having a man would not compromise that person I am because I know what I deserve.  Being with a person that you love and cherish shouldn’t change who you are, but it can definitely enhance and enrich your life with emotions and feelings that material things cannot.

Someone once told me, “Candice, you like to plan the plan.  You cannot always plan the plan of your life”.  I like to control things.  I like to know when they’re happening, why they’re happening and when they’ll stop, so I can plan the next thing; but in my 29 years on this life, maybe I just supposed to take that leap of faith and just jump. 

And that is what I plan to do, in New Zealand, in 83 days.  Lots of jumping and saying, fuck it, life is too short.

Until next time.

La love,
C. xx

~In loving memory of Mary-Ann – I miss you. I hope you and your Dad are enjoying a cuppa while dipping your toast and watching over us all.  ~

Writer’s & Gym Block.

I’ve literally tried to write multiple posts over the last couple of weeks.  I always get so excited about them but then I get distracted and never go back to them.  Even when I have a moment to go back and write them, the information I wanted to write about no longer seems relevant because it’s days or maybe weeks old.

I wanted to blog about all the awesome workouts I’ve been doing, until I injured myself at last Thursday’s session.  At the time, I had no idea I would be in the pain I was on the following day.  I was actually feeling pretty AWESOME Thursday evening.

My PT workout wasn’t complicated but it certainly made me hella tired.

1000m row – 10 pushups
900m row – 9 pushes
…. and so on until ….
100m row – 1 pushup

then did 12 reps x 3 sets of
lat pull downs
ezy bar bicep curls

That was it. Doesn’t seem like much until I saw 5.5km row and 55 pushes.  That makes it sound worse.


Anyway, I woke up on Friday and I was in a whole lot of trouble.  I could hardly walk… at all.  I still needed to get to work which included getting ready and driving my car.  In hind sight, I should have used my crutches.  That would have assisted the walking, but not the sitting down and getting back up.

After working at a standing bench for most of the morning, I took some anti-inflams which helped A LOT.  I also rang my myotherapist, in which I have an appointment to see tomorrow.  The pain is on the same side as my dodgy hip flexor (caused my my ACL reco we think).  It was also in parts of my groin/adductor muscles.  All I can think of is the pain I am going to be in tomorrow with the myo digging in around there, seeing what is going on.  NO FUN! BIG HURTIES! I tell you that.

I didn’t train all weekend and I didn’t train tonight.  Ever since my course finished, I hate missing Monday training.  I always think the week is better if I can get to the gym on a Monday.  Let’s hope everything is okay tomorrow and I can get to the gym in the afternoon.  There might even be a change that I can make it to footy training tomorrow.  That would be a stress release.

My sessions at the new gym are going great.  I am getting more confident there and my eating has been so much better.  In the last 4-6 weeks, I’ve lost 3kg and 10.5cm.  I don’t have mountains to move but I am feeling better in myself.  My work pants were even a little baggy in the legs today which made me do a little inside happy dance.  The last time I put them on they still fitted but I was uncomfortable in them.

It would seem my writer’s block on this post has faded and that maybe I can keep writing.  However, I need to sleep and you good people need to as well.  Unless you are on the other side of the world, then you just go on with your day . 🙂

La Love,
C. x




Another New Year… New Plan

There are so many things that I have wanted to post about yet I haven’t posted a single one?

Why is that? I’ve been off work since 23rd December and it’s now 3rd January. 10 days should be plenty of time.

I’ve had Christmas and New Years in between then and a whole lot of other activities going on which have taken up some time. Now, I have to go back to work tomorrow for another year but I do not want to spend another year away from my blog, away from the gym and away from you guys.

What is the plan for the year? I’m not 100% sure. Last year I made some pretty big goals and I didn’t achieve any of them because I was studying. (I’ll will also try get around to updating everyone on that as well) This year I just want to be a stronger and fitter person, blog regularly and follow my new dreams of running events.

I’ve eaten way too much bad food in this break and my body is suffering. Time to fuel it with nutritious foods and exercise to get it back to normal. Today I plan on buying a new pantry full of clean foods, cooking up a storm and catching up on sleep so I’m ready for the work week and an early wake up time.

Catch up soon fellow bloggers. I’ve missed everyone.

La love,
C. xx