Uncertainty.

For someone who likes to be in control and likes to know that is going on in their own life, the current situation and feeling of uncertainty is playing a big part of unneeded stress and angst in my life right now.

The current pandemic of Coronavirus is affecting millions of people worldwide. Some people have the virus, some people are witness to their family members having it and some are just affected by the effects it is causing on society.

As an event industry professional, the work within my sector has completely gone. Not only have I lost my actual job (5 weeks ago and counting) but my industry is not hiring nor will it be for a long time. How long for, you ask? No one knows. What am I supposed to do now? Get a different job, would be the obvious answer. However, not only am I now hunting and applying for roles that are out of my skill set, I am competing against 100’s of thousands of other displaced individuals that probably have better suited skills that I do. It’s a complete headfuck.

Loosing my job 5 weeks ago was meant to be my blessing in disguise. It was supposed to be the “kick up the ass” I needed to go and seek out my perfect job. A job that combined sports and events. Who would have guessed that only a week or 2 after my displacement, both of those industries would have shut up shop.

It’s a whirlwind of emotions in trying to stay healthy (in both mind and body), keep in contact with your friends and family (but not give yourself migraines from too much screen time), and look for a job in a time where the only roles that are available have about 5 times more applicants than they normally would.

I feel useless because I’m at home and cannot find a job, that will accept me. I have skills, great ones; just ones not suited to what the hiring companies want. I don’t want to be out of work for 6 months; or maybe longer. I have plans and goals that I want to achieve, but this uncertainty is blocking those. I can’t sleep at night from the stress and headaches. This isn’t a why me post (so please don’t think that), it’s just a vent of frustrations and fear, that might help myself to see where my next move is.

Gyms are closed, which means no workings out there as a stress release. However let’s be honest with myself and everyone (or no one) who reads this post. I haven’t been great at getting to the gym in the last year, because my event life was so hectic. My gym membership was sitting there for 9 months between March-November 2019, hardly being used because I was working so many long days, early mornings and late nights. This was a reason I had not yet renewed it this year and was just paying a casual rate, because I was waiting to see what 2020 has in store for my career! HA! Good one Coronavirus. Home workouts are the newest thing in this “stay at home” mantra and are gaining so much speed. In this current, “I CBF’d state” my mind is in, I have little to no motivation to do them. I have all the equipment I need, I have the knowledge of what workouts to do and km’s of running trails around my house to get my mind off the current situation, even just for an hour. However, discipline is needed right now and I just don’t have any. For a person that is normally takes so much pride in being driven and passionate, this is wrong on so many levels. How do I re-find my mojo?

Keeping in touch with my family and friends is probably something that has affected me the least but it is still a pain point. A lot of my friends are on different work schedules and times, or perhaps live in another state, so communicating online or via text isn’t overly different. However, the interactions with other people in general is what I am missing. Saying hi to those who work out at the same time as you at the gym; you might only know their name but you say hi and smile, ask how their day was and get on with it. It might be the work colleagues (or was), that you see (or talk to) every weekday, for at least 8 hours a day. I miss the banter and the laughs (or even the tears!) that are shared with those people. I had spent more time with them over the last few years, than I probably spent with my family. I love my family but goodness, sometimes you just need to have a rest from them.

I’m typing this post so late at night (or early morning to be exact) because I can’t sleep. I’ve been laying here for about 3 hours trying to do different things to offset sleep but nothing is working. Lately, I’ve been trying a bunch of meditations and breathing techniques, using an essential/fragrant oil diffuser, listening to music and laying there in the silence. Sometimes a mixture of them works, but tonight for instance, nothing is working; so I thought I would try a brain dump of all my feelings and see if that help.

Blogging is something I’ve always enjoyed doing, but haven’t had a lot of time to do it over the last few years, with my event job keeping me so busy. How times have changed in the last 5-6 weeks. Perhaps I might do a little more of it now (or at least for those moment while I have some spare time!).

I have taken up a new learning development, increasing my own skill set into web development and coding; it’s a skill I’ve wanted to learn for a really long time but haven’t had hours to dedicate to it, to learn and more importantly, practice what I’ve learned in real situations and websites. Perhaps there might be a few random posts over the next few months; testing out the skills I am learning in HTML and CSS.

I’m hoping that will be enough of a brain dump/de-clutter, that one of the above methods of trying to sleep will now help.

La love,
C. xx