De-Clutter.

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I haven’t blogged since the post where I came clean about #exboyfie and I breaking up.  I still haven’t re-found my blogging mojo, so to speak. I keep coming up with these ideas in my head but when I get my computer or phone out to type them, it all just seems like worthless junk or I get writer’s block.

Today I’ve just decided to fill my blog text box with words and see where it takes me.   

A friend of mine texted me out of the blue today to let me know that there are 83 days until I travel to my next destination.  Funnily enough, I already knew that because he’d created a ticking countdown for me last week.  He also told me that I normally use this platform as a virtual diary; so that is why I’m just fumbling my way through a post today.  Just clearing out all the junk in my head that is making it sooooo muddled up. He is one of my only close friends that reads my blog without me shoving it all over my other social pages.  He gets his email notification that I’ve has posted an article, and he reads it.  From one “Capt.” to another, thank you. 😊

Can we also just pause for a second… what an amazing, clever nerdy friend, this above person is.  He CODED me an entire flip countdown to my next holiday.  Like who knows how to do that or even has time?  I even tried to find a flip app and I couldn’t.  I could find plenty of clocks but no countdowns.  Can I ask for y’all to have a look at it?  It has no value to anyone else but me, but hey, it’s freakin’ cool and you’ll found out where I am going on holidays!  Check it out here > www.cmedia.com.au/countdown

Right, I got a little bit off track, but I did mention it could be a little bit all over the shop tonight. 

In my attempts to try type out a blog (or get around the thought of a VLOG), so many questions pop through my brain every day yet I can’t get any close to getting them on virtual paper.

Things like:

  • Should I really being going on holidays when I could be using that money towards a house deposit?
  • Should I create a new space on my blog for travel even though I haven’t done much of it lately and why does my opinion matter?
  • Why isn’t my career taking off as well as I wanted/planned it to; I’m getting to a point where my career should be set up?
  • Why do I need a man when I can go out and FIND MYSELF?

All these questions are absolutely ridiculous when you write them down.  At the end of the day, I know all the answers to those before I can type the end of this sentence.  The real question should be this:

Why does society think it is okay to put unrealistic pressure on people to have life decisions made before they’re a certain age or period in their life time?

The answer is; it isn’t okay, but society doesn’t care.

Take my job for instance: I’m a full-time working girl, who has a travelling high flying job planning events for a multinational company, who meets all kinds of people, in all kinds of places, planning all types of cool things… Why would I hate my job at all?  The simple answer is I don’t, I love my job, but it is more complicated than that. 

People see the end game with events.  They see the shiny lights and the golden gates, but they also haven’t walked through the fires of hell (so to speak) to get to those golden gates. It takes time to put on a great event.  FIFA World Cups and Olympic Games take 4 years in the making, for an event that might run for 2-4 weeks…

Getting back to my career; why haven’t I worked on the football side and moving my career that way; from Corporate to Sport.  Surely skills cross over into that and I should be able to get a job easily enough, right? That my friends, is where society is wrong. It’s not just a snap of a finger and it’s done, I’ve got what I wanted, and I got it without doing any actual work.

Working for a national/international company, calendars are busy months and months in advance, sometimes I don’t even have time to go to the gym or have time to sit and eat lunch, let alone make plans to meet with sports industry people and have coffee dates!  I am working on my footy career, slowly, week by week with a wonderful club, biding my time until I can get an opening to look at future options.  In the meantime, bills still need to be paid so I must keep working.

Another society generalisation that grinds my gears is when statements like “You don’t need a partner, you just need to be happy in your own company, FIND YOURSELF.”

FIND YOURSELF.  What does that even mean?  Apparently, there is a wiki page on it.  https://www.wikihow.com/Find-Yourself

You’re essentially going through life, trying to ‘find yourself’ on a guide society made up, because they know what is best for you… In truth, the only person that knows what’s best for you, is YOU. 

I’ve been single now for 9 months and at the beginning I was like, I don’t need a man, I want to learn how to be at one with myself and be free.  All I have been doing for the last 6-8 years is be in relationships… Surely, I need some time for myself.

Well in that last 9 months, I’ve felt isolated, I’ve felt lonely, I’ve lost friends and I didn’t gain any new ones.  Maybe I’ve found myself in the sense, that I know being with someone that makes me happy, that makes me feel loved and safe, is the kind of person I am.  It 100% doesn’t take away from the strong individual woman I already am.  I know who I am as a person.

I like vanilla ice-cream and not strawberry (yes, even though it is pink), I like two peppermint teabags in my cup and not one.  I love football and my shoes.  I have strong opinions and don’t back down to intimidation.  Having a man would not compromise that person I am because I know what I deserve.  Being with a person that you love and cherish shouldn’t change who you are, but it can definitely enhance and enrich your life with emotions and feelings that material things cannot.

Someone once told me, “Candice, you like to plan the plan.  You cannot always plan the plan of your life”.  I like to control things.  I like to know when they’re happening, why they’re happening and when they’ll stop, so I can plan the next thing; but in my 29 years on this life, maybe I just supposed to take that leap of faith and just jump. 

And that is what I plan to do, in New Zealand, in 83 days.  Lots of jumping and saying, fuck it, life is too short.

Until next time.

La love,
C. xx

~In loving memory of Mary-Ann – Imiss you. I hope you and your Dad are enjoying a cuppa while dipping your toastand watching over us all.  ~

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