Overwhelmed. Daunting. Scared.
These are all the feelings running through my body at this very moment. But why, you ask? Huge expectations and risk of failure. Not brought upon me by others, only by myself.
It’s Saturday night here. I wish I was cuddled up to #boyfie on the couch and watching a movie but I’m snuggled in his bed, bawling my eyes out. I understand life is hard and no one expects you to be perfect but I want to be perfect, especially when it comes to study.
After a disappointing VCE at high school and deferring then terminating my uni course, I’ve always felt under achieved compared to my friends.
I’ve been trying to work on my Major Project since this afternoon and all I’ve added to my brief is that the venue had a medical centre and a radiology centre. I am struggling to see the vision I once saw for my event. I haven’t dared to look at the 3rd brief we received on Wednesday. I can’t deal with that added stress right now.
I want my event concept and planning to be so perfect that I put on so much unnecessary stress on myself. I think I also underestimate myself too. I’ve always been like that.
I don’t how to make myself power through what I have left so I can start on brief 3. Just look at one question at a time and move on to another if that’s too hard? Maybe use the exam theory of question answering? Whatever the theory is, I need to work it out quick smart.
I honestly don’t know if there are any regulars that read my blog or if they are just one off randoms and either are welcome. I just blog for myself because it makes me feel better. It’s my own virtual dear diary. Especially for my down and stressed moments like this.
I’ve got bootcamp tomorrow with Jade and then I’ll be back to study, hopefully with a clearer mind. Maybe throwing some weights around will help the brain.
I’ve stopped crying but I’m still stressing. I think I will be until I finish this thing. With only 16 weeks left, I’m hoping the briefs get eaiser and/or I manage my stress levels better. Otherwise, I’ll be a train wreck.
I’m just going to lay here some more in the dark with some peace and quiet and try work out my next strategy.