Radiating Self Belief

Self Belief.
By definition: Trust in your own abilities

Self Doubt.
By definition: A feeling of having no confidence in your abilities and decisions

I know at one point in my life, I used to have huge amount of self belief.  It even got to the point where I used to ask for harder tasks and homework because I knew I was capable of achieving more than what I was already doing.  If I believed in myself then why am I now constantly asking the same questions?

What has changed within myself?  Why do I doubt my own ability?

It’s a question many people ask themselves every day.  The next question should “How can I flip this doubt into belief?” which is exactly the question I have asked myself over the last two days.  I cannot assign a date to where I stopped believing in myself but I know it has to change.  I know there are many people in my life that believe in me and wonder why I now question myself.

When I looked up the symptoms of self doubt, I did assign a few with myself:
* Fear
* Perfectionism
*Second guessing myself
*Lack of achievement

But when I looked at the causes of self doubt, I couldn’t truly assign any to myself because they didn’t fit “wholey” to myself.

WELL… IT’S TIME FOR A CHANGE AND I WILL CONQUER THIS.

Newly found belief in myself happened on Sunday night when I decided to go for a walk.  I was meeting a friend of mine and he had been told to meet him somewhere else than where we normally meet.  I decided to give jogging a go as I was feeling good and thought “I’ll just see how far I can get.”  Normally, I would get half way and give im because I was too tired, but I shouted at myelf (actually out loud too!) do not give up, keep going.  I jogged the entire way.  I was SO happy for myself and my friend could see it.  I was “radiating” happiness like the sun radiates heat.  He was so happy that I was so happy right at that moment.  I knew he believed I could do it and now I could say I had done it.
Self belief moment #1 accomplished. 

But wait… There is a more.  😀

I got home from having such a wonderful evening, that I found myself asking, “Could it be possible that I could do it again?” Monday evening after work, I found myself in the same situation.  Wanting to run outside in the sun and not cooped up inside on my treadmill.  I sent a text to my friend but he was busy.  I could have easily said, “Oh ok, I’ll just use my treadmill, nevermind.” but I though, “No, I am going to do this and I WILL at least make it as far as I did yesterday, if not further.” I put on my favourite shorts and tied my laces and pumped myself and Keith {Urban} up and just jogged.  I didn’t worry about the world and if I looked fat.  I didn’t look too far ahead of myself and just keep a steady pace and said over and over (in my head and out loud) “You can do this, you’re over half way, the finish is just over this hill” and I jogged not only what I had the day before, but the entire way, right from where I started.  In a nutshell, I was ecstatic.  I’d said to my buddy that I’d text him my result.  This is what it said.  “I jogged the whole way.  F**k yes.” He told me later on that night that he was so proud of me and I couldn’t help but beam at his words.
Self belief moment #2 accomplished.

Even over the past 24 hours, I started something that I have never done before and I was pretty chuffed with the response I got.  Okay, it’s not breathtaking or groundbreaking BUT yesterday I helped out my friend Luke at his small restaurant on Mt. Macedon called Top of the Range Tearooms.  I was basically the barista’s assistant all day and if you had asked me on Sunday to carry a tray full of coffees without spilling it, I would have gone back to the “doubting Thomas” (well, Candice) and said I couldn’t.  After doing it for 6 hours yesterday, I’d say for my first attempt, I did great!  I managed to only slightly spill one glass of wine and it wasn’t even a lot.  I wasn’t sure if it was something I would like doing but I gave it a crack and both Luke and Brent said I did a fantastic job for my first time.  I’ll only get better right? 🙂

I haven’t been so proud of myself in a very long time.  I know this is the turning point in my life to turn that doubt into belief.  Self belief is a wonderful thing and I hope that if I continue to believe in myself, my happiness with life will improve.  It’s like killing two birds with one stone, hey?

C. x

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